Sitcom Misunderstanding
by SidQuin
Summary: Ikkyu overhears Agon and Unsui in the bathroom. Hilarity ensues.


Ikkyu glanced nervously at his watch for the 10th time, '5:20 and the movie starts at 6. We really need to get going right now…' It had been ten minutes since Unsui went to drag Agon out of the bathroom and half an hour since Agon declared he was going to shower before leaving. What could possibly be taking them so long? Deciding it'd be more productive to try and help Unsui drag Agon out of his tile fortress, Ikkyu walked towards the bathroom door and would've knocked if he hadn't been distracted by a rather peculiar comment.

"Jealous, Unko-chan?" He could hear Agon say from behind the door.

"Of what?" "Unko-chan" questioned.

"Of my length." Ikkyu's eyes nearly popped out of his head. 'Wait, what?'

Unsui snorted in return, "Agon I'm your TWIN. I could it get it that long if I wanted to." '**WAY WAY WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION UNSUI**,' thought a very disturbed Ikkyu, suddenly very tempted to pour bleach down his ears if it meant forgetting what he just heard.

"Yeah right," Agon only taunted, "Anyways, just keep rubbing. I finish a lot faster when someone helps me." At this point Ikkyu's face was now as red as his mole, 'This is wrong on so many levels...'

"I feel sorry for your girlfriends who normally do this. Their wrists must get sore."

"Well, geez, Unko-chan maybe if you had a little more finesse this wouldn't be so tiring? You can't just pull it and squeeze it like that; you're not milking a cow!" Ikkyu's left eye began violently twitching, 'That's disgusting Agon.'

"We're already late for the movie as it is. We have to finish quickly." Unsui replied dryly.

"It's always about time with you isn't it? No wonder you don't have a girlfriend, you're always in a hurry. You're not even doing it properly," Agon grumbled, "But it's better than nothing I guess. Hey maybe we can get Ikkyu to join, he must have more experience in this then you at least." 'What the hell is that supposed to mean, Agon?' Ikkyu mentally screeched, absolutely distressed that Agon would assume such a-

"That's a really good idea actually. Ikkyu probably does have more experience on the matte-" Unsui's agreement was cut short by the sound of the bathroom door slamming open as Ikkyu came barging in, eyes squeezed shut as if holy water would be thrown in his face.

"**STOP IT. JUST ONI STOP IT YOU TWO. HE'S YOUR FUCKING TWIN BROTHER! DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?** And how could you possibly think I'd be into that sort of stuff? I like GIRLS, goddamnit! GIRLS!" Ikkyu announced, his declaration sounding more like the whining of sexually confused preteen (including the cracks in his voice) then the dramatic objection he'd be hoped for.

After a moment of awkwardness, Agon decided to rudely break the tension, "Ikkyu, what the hell are you yelling about?"

"And why are your eyes closed?" Unsui added. Ikkyu decided, at the risk of forever blinding himself, to let one eye peek out. Both brothers were standing the near the sink completely clothed. Staring blankly at him. Firmly holding _hand towels._

After another pause Ikkyu finally spoke up, "What WERE you guys doing?"

In one of those rare twin telepathy moments, the two replied in perfect unison, "Drying hair."

It was now Ikkyu's turn to be confused, "What."

"Agon was taking a long time ringing the water out of his dreads, so I'm helping him," Unsui explained as he grabbed yet another one of Agon's thick dreadlocks, roughly squeezing the water out the tips and into the sink. The action really was pretty reminiscent of milking a cow.

Agon growled at his older brother, "Be careful, will you! If you keep pulling on them like that they're going to come loose! Do you realize how big a pain in the ass it is to re-tighten dreadlocks? It was hard enough getting dreads in the first place…"

As he demonstrated the proper way to dry a dreadlock (Ikkyu noted that Agon handled his locks with far more care then he handled his women), Agon began a small rant on proper dread maintenance, "You know dreadlocks are actually a real bitch to maintain? You have to backcomb the crap out of your hair before you can even start and then you have to buy all sorts of special products just to maintain them. Hell, just to wash them you need to buy non residue shampoo or use fucking baking soda. And if you don't the ring the water out and dry them properly they start to rot from the inside. Those's why some dreadlocks smell bad and look really nasty, well that and they're usually on the head of some pot-smoking hippie who just never bathes."

"…well that was…educational," was all Ikkyu could really say.

"Since you actually **have** hair I assumed you'd be better at drying then Unko-chan," Agon concluded.

"Oh." By this point Ikkyu's brain had more or less shut down.

"What did you think we were doing?"


End file.
